An army platoon was out in the field for training, working on their camouflage.  every soldier was dressed up like a tree or a shrub or a rock and their sergeant was watching and timing them closely to see how long they could hold their positions, should the need to do so ever arise in combat.

Everyone was doing pretty good until one tree jumped up and started dancing around.  "Front and center!" the sergeant bawled.  the soldier came over.  "What the hell do you think you're doing, private?  Don't you know that your actions could've gotten the entire squad killed?"

"Sir!" the soldier replied.  "With all due respect, Sir, I've been holding my position for over twelve hours now.  I didn't budge when a flock of birds dropped a load on my head.  I didn't flinch when a pack of dogs used my shoes as a toilet.  But when two squirrels ran up inside my pants and I heard one of them say, 'Let's eat one now and save the other for Winter'...well, sir, screw that!"
 

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