What's a Johnny?

Below is everything you never wanted to know about a Johnny cleverly masked by smart-aleck remarks.  These remarks were originally sent to JoLynn (there's that name again), but they fit well here.  Want to take this test yourself, well then, by all means, click here and copy the information into an e-mail.  You may send it to me at ericksjo@slcc.edu .

LIVING ARRANGEMENTS
With parents, 5 bedrooms, 2 baths, front room, living room, kitchen, dinning room, 2 stories and a basement, 2 car garage. Number of bro's and sis's at home depends on the time of year. Have 2 younger brothers and 1 sister older 1 sister younger. (By way of shameless self promotion, all this is discussed in great length on my Web page http://www.cc.utah.edu/~je26960/ )

HOBBIES
Computers, watching favorite movies, and writing.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Just finished "Alice in Wonderland," "Through the Looking Glass," "The Hobbit," and "Becoming a Writer."

When I have time, I'm reading "Science Fiction Century," a collection of short stories that someone gave me, and "Robinson Cursoe".

WHAT CD'S ARE IN YOUR PLAYER RIGHT NOW?
- 10th Kingdom CD - making a copy for someone

WHAT'S IN YOUR NAPSTER FOLDER?
- Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, I've order the CD

- Bar J Wranglers Music (If you haven't been to this show in Jackson Hole, WY, you haven't lived - my sister has the CD's)

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Under an inch of grime, I think there's a Gateway 2000 logo.

FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Currently, Risk. I love a game where you control the world. I'm having Dr. Evil over next week for tea.

FAVORITE MAGAZINES?
Maximum PC. By far the best computer hardware magazine. Honest and funny reviews of hardware. Besides, their highest rating is the "Kick Ass" award and a title of an article in the next issue is "PC Pranks." (He, he, he, replace the Windows desktop with a picture of the Windows desktop and watch the user go nuts trying to open a program. He, he, he # 2, place tape of your victim's mouse ball.)

FAVORITE SMELLS?
faint pipe tobacco, wintergreen mints, turkey, leather, faint ode de skunk, lemons, coffee cake

WORST SMELLS?
cigarettes, old bacon, cat. The worst smell I ever smelt came for our dog Goofy (a.k.a. Stinky), may she rest in peace, when she was scared something came from the pit of her stomach that could and would clear a room. It can only be describe as the devil's cologne.

FAVORITE SOUNDS?
silence, wind, cloth ruffling - like when someone shakes out a sheet, Dad's snoring, not the initial splash, but the plop following the splash that a rock makes when thrown into a pond, parents' humming, rain, thunder, Homer Simpson "Doh" or "He, he, he.", laughter - especially at my corny jokes/writing.

WORST SOUNDS
ripping cloth, the rubbing of card board, crying babies, computer fans, Dad's yawn, pre-meeting church music, "Time of You're Life" by Greenday, rattling of anything mechanical, Rosie Perez, Charro, Ohm Pah Loom Pahs, Jerry Colonna - the pop-eyed mustached comic often seen in Bob Hope comedies who thinks high pitched screams are funny, Jim Rome - a radio sportscaster who sounds like he does his entire broadcast in belch talk. The mispronunciation of "library" - its not a "liebary"

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
Anxiety, disappointing someone, having the zipping mechanism on your pants fall off five minutes before an important meeting and frantically stapling the fly of your trousers closed so you can pretend nothing happened, diving into a pool and realizing the shorts you borrowed from Dad didn't dive with you, realizing that the egg role you just ate was more mobile than you thought. Stepping into a strange shower and leaning on a curtain rod only to realize that, unlike you shower, this rod is not bolted to the wall. Wrapped in swaddling shower curtain and draped naked over the toilet is embarrassing to say the least. Syrup between your fingers. Realizing that you just spent two hours out of the work day to answer an e-mail.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
Morning stretch, hugs (especially from kids), the one in my left second molar (it’s the only one that never hurts when I drink cold water), completion of anything, after running around in the snow without any shoes the feeling you get as your feet warm up, a pat on the back, making someone proud, an unfished for complement, my blue baby blanket after it has come out of the drier, scratching an itch, watching kids get presents. Realizing that you got paid to spend two hours out of the work day to answer an e-mail (If you're reading this you naughty work censor people, please realize I'm just kidding. Don't fire me. I made up the time up. Honest.)

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
"$@#%ing Ranger, Shut Up!" Ranger is the dog next door. "Jeany, Turn off the $@#%ing Light!" Jeany is my sister who works nights; the light from her room peeks under my door.

ROLLER COASTER, SCARY OR EXCITING?
There's a difference?

HOW MANY RINGS TO ANSWER THE PHONE?
Infinite. Twenty, if I feel like it. We don't have an answering machine. Besides, the phone is there so I can call other people, not so they can call me. This is an excellent way to keep salesmen and other annoying people (aunts, uncles, grandparents, nags, brothers, sisters, friends, bishops) from reaching you. Great way to avoid responsibility.

FUTURE DAUGHTER'S/SON'S NAME?
Son, John or Jack. Since I'm the third derivative of John Erickson (John C., John C. Jr. a.k.a. Jack, and Johnny), I feel I should carry on the name.

Daughter, Ted. Let the teasing begin. It's good for her, helps her learn to resolve issues early in life. (Note: future wife may vote this one down.)

FAVORITE FOODS?
Sunflower seeds, Spanish rice, Chinese casserole, artichokes, crepes, fresh bread, Kipper Snacks, the ever-manly steak, Mom's potato salad, egg drop soup, string cheese - its fun to play with, anything I haven't tried yet.

LEAST FAVORITE FOODS?
Rice-a-Roni - the San Francisco treat my ass, old potato chips, Rice Krispy's.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
I get twist cones, why limit yourself?

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
With others in the car or with cars around me, no.

All alone, with no chance of being caught or seen or hurting someone else, yes. I've always secretly longed to bury the needle. Although, I don't know how cool you can look trying to bury the needed in a gray Buick. Maybe I'd reach the coolness level of Woody Allen in sunglasses.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
No. I sleep with a blue blanket that my Grandma gave me when I was a kid. Technically, its no longer a blanket, just a piece of cloth. It has long since lost its backing and stuffing. Kind of holey where it got sucked between bike spokes. I love my blankie. (I do have stuffed animals though, lots of them, they are buried under a very thick layer of blue carpet dust.)

STORMS - COOL OR SCARY?
Cool. We sometimes get in the car and drive away from the houses to get a good look.

WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
A car that you could rev up on the carpet and then let go and it would zip down the street. Great fun until it somehow ate my sister's hair (he, he, he).

Real car, a 1980 Chevy pickup. It smoked - literally. I sold it to some Mexicans and I like to think that it found an adventurous life running people across the border.

IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE:
Jesus Christ! What a question!

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINKS?
Lemon juice, mouthwash, apple cider. This is as alcoholic as I get.

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
Capricorn the Goat

DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
Broccoli has stems? Yes, actually, I love broccoli, all of it, 'specially with cheese.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE?
God, but not because I want to be all powerful. I just want to know it all.

Professional student, same reason as above. Computer scientist, writer, engineer, painter, animator, truck driver, fire fighter, pilot, standup comic, Captain Kangaroo.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Secretly, I've always wanted to shave my hair off and paint a picture on it. Maybe a cow urinating on a fire hydrant.  You know, something rural.

EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
No.

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
The pessimist in me says half empty, the optimist says half full. The physicist in me says that the glass is both half empty and half full. It does not change states until an outside observer looks at it and therefore one must consider it in both states at once. Schrodinger rules!

FAVORITE MOVIES:
Groundhog Day, Old Yeller, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Star Trek 2, 3, 4, 6, First Contact, Empire Strikes Back, Miss Congeniality, While You Were Sleeping, I liked Meg Ryan in something, I just can't remember what, Aliens, Batman, Batman Returns, Watership Down, Scream 1, 2, 3, Planes Trains and Automobiles, Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion, Bridget Jones's Diary, The English Patient (this movie switched lists on its second viewing).

LEAST FAVORITE MOVIES
Gone Fishin', American Beauty, Titanic, The World According to Garp, Star Trek 1, 5, Generations, Insurrection, the crap that Joel Schumacher tries to pass off as Batman, except for a Time to Kill any of the other crap that Joel Schumacher pedals, anything Jan de Bont directs, G.I. Joe the Movie.

ARE YOU A LEFTY OR A RIGHTY?
Righty

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
Um, I don't know. My style works for me.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Monsters, dust bunnies, dog treats, and empty soda bottles.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?
4

FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
None. Sports suck. It is the same story every time. I know how it will end, one team wins, one team loses. If I had to choose, I'd choose football. At least there's the possibility that someone will be hurt or killed and add a moment of drama to the monotony. Also, have you ever, in your life, heard an intelligent athlete. Most of them are varely berbal.

SAY ONE (OR MORE) NICE THING(S) ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU:
The JoLynn I know, at least the side she shows, is one of the most entertaining and thought provoking people I've ever met. I enjoy the fact that she doesn't follow convention. I admire her ability to get up in front of people and speak her mind. I also like that she can be relaxed in front of a large group. JoLynn is confident. She is dedicated to her family and passionate about her interests. I like that she is secure enough to have male friends besides her husband. She has the courage to be frank (or Al, or Ted, or Bob). There are also hidden depths to JoLynn. I find her intriguing.

PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
My sister, Niki.

PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Bob. I don't know who he is, I've never talked with him, e-mailed him, or snail mailed him before, I just saw his e-mail address on a random Web page and thought he'd like to know.